Will I make it as a Jedi Knight?

My mind is a whirling muddle at the moment. The voices are shouting even louder than usual – you should be doing this, you shouldn’t be doing that, you’re not good enough. I struggle with even the simplest tasks and my To Do list terrifies me. I try to still the panic by listing everything – even things I normally carry out without thinking like checking bank statements or putting clothes away.

Yesterday morning while lying in bed recovering from breakfast I had a thought. It’s not life that’s stressing me, it’s The Novel. Writing The Novel is bringing the monsters out from under the bed. And as soon as I thought that, I felt calm, and the calmness lasted for at least an hour.

Then I forgot.

Today I plan a long dog-walk, some DailyPages, some Lightning Processes, and a pottery day catching up on jobs, in the hope that all that will calm me down.

Then tomorrow it’s back to The Novel again.

I feel like Luke Skywalker traversing the spooky wood-bog where he finds Darth Vader. But the exit is a long way away and I don’t know if I’ll ever make it as a Jedi Knight.